La Petite Mademoiselle

This territory goes uncharted.

“Out of billions,
it only takes one person to make you feel alone.”

Thoughts in rain

I think that rain has a way of coming through me like a shower for the soul, that leads to an urge to write just about the most honest things in the moment.

Today is my day off from work and it has been raining hard the whole day. I woke up early to have breakfast with Papa and then I went back to bed; woke up an hour after and decided to watch the dvd I got yesterday. Friends with Benefits. I expected more of the movie, it was good but it wasn’t the best; though Mila Kunis sure was gorgeous and her eye make up totally was mesmerizing.

Anyhow. In between these lazing around under the covers, eating some microwaveable lunch and blended yogurt, I got phone call/s from work. On my day off.

I felt sick to my stomach and at the loneliest, I feel overworked with not much done as much as I wanted to get things done. The workplace is a mess and there’s so much pending to do, but time is scarce. There’s only so much you can do in 8 hours and one task takes about the whole day just because I never really had the people for it.

Is this what I want to do? No, of course not… But bills are piling and rent is due tomorrow. Sadly I am just realizing that tightening my belt and just managing my money should be the way to go. I have made a blog post a few weeks ago about the changes I wanted to do this March, and tomorrow’s the 1st. I believe now that timing is perfect, this rainy night overturned me.

This week I will start with my driving lessons, first with Papa. It’s not a luxury but a necessity to be able to; and it’s a step I need to make for me to go so much more and to achieve a lot.

Although I am giving up shopping for lent, I am actually setting a budget for myself from this day on too. I need to save up for bigger things like going back to school next year. :-)

The day is unraveling wonderfully, coming from a night that has reduced me to a point of melancholy. It is less of what have been lost, but more of what I have forgotten about myself, for myself.

I woke up at an early peak of six, and I could not point out how I was feeling, although I know it is far from what I wanted to feel, and what I have been expecting to feel. Even so, I went on with the day, had a full breakfast with my Dad; and I was even lucky enough that my Dad offered to drive me to the place I would glady commute to, every chance I get.

About two years ago, when I was fresh from Manila, I didn’t have any friends here. Looking back is not something I find lonely to do, since it was a time where I truly just enjoyed being with just myself, on my own phase, with my own company. I discovered being comfortable with just being with me.

I would frequent the place, just enjoying a good read and a good coffee. I have fallen in love with strolling the shops, and found it therapeutic to mix and match clothes.

Over time, of course, I have met people who have been a part of a big change. Some stayed, some left, some passed by in what seemed like split-second, some lingered until the sunlight’s passed; but at the end of the day, I have me; who might have been left some days at my happiest, some days in marvel, some days searching for light, some days broken.

I am at the place, just my own, like before. I spent the first few hours reading, then window shopping. I had lunch of bow-tie pasta and green tea, met lovely ladies from Shiseido, met my new lipstick, met a bubbly barista at Coffeebean. Today is a blend of everything; but I am enjoying it nonetheless. 

And even though something have been lost, I am still looking forward for something wonderful, for the lovely experiences I will gain. Some people will teach you to walk away, and I have learned to take it as a realization that I am at my happiest, when I think of myself.

***

Anyhow, I have been enjoying Polyvore, the iPad app is beyond chic! I created this spring mood board, as I want to reinvent my wardrobe for the coming season. I am leaning towards blush and beige; and will try a natural approach when it comes to beauty. 

I am thinking of downgrading my beauty wants to the minimal but natural— a healthy flush, a lip color that looks like my lips but better, and dewy skin, but really full lashes. Maybe sometimes a shimmery taupe for the lids. Well kept eyebrows. I will probably save my cat eye liner just for some occassion, 

Less is more would be the mantra, girly and classy would be the vibe.

I will, yet again, will list the things I will focus on as a reminder for myself that there is always something to look forward to:

Starting March (why not start now? Well I like that crisp point of starting at Day 1 literally. I do not know where I got that, maybe because I was born on the first of June, and it makes sense to me. Lah.)

—- Driving.
—- Building a career.
—- Going back to school.
—- My personal training account at the gym.
—- Juicing.
—- Healthier toned body.
—- Luminous skin: I am planning to venture back to Shiseido’s white lucent line.
—- My Balenciaga funds.
—- Long hair. I am at the moment growing my hair. And then will dye it caramel brown or chocolate brown. We’ll see.

I would like to add that I will be more adventurous, but I will just replace that word to “living” more.

The day is unraveling wonderfully, coming from a night that has reduced me to a point of melancholy. It is less of what have been lost, but more of what I have forgotten about myself, for myself.

I woke up at an early peak of six, and I could not point out how I was feeling, although I know it is far from what I wanted to feel, and what I have been expecting to feel. Even so, I went on with the day, had a full breakfast with my Dad; and I was even lucky enough that my Dad offered to drive me to the place I would glady commute to, every chance I get.

About two years ago, when I was fresh from Manila, I didn’t have any friends here. Looking back is not something I find lonely to do, since it was a time where I truly just enjoyed being with just myself, on my own phase, with my own company. I discovered being comfortable with just being with me.

I would frequent the place, just enjoying a good read and a good coffee. I have fallen in love with strolling the shops, and found it therapeutic to mix and match clothes.

Over time, of course, I have met people who have been a part of a big change. Some stayed, some left, some passed by in what seemed like split-second, some lingered until the sunlight’s passed; but at the end of the day, I have me; who might have been left some days at my happiest, some days in marvel, some days searching for light, some days broken.

I am at the place, just my own, like before. I spent the first few hours reading, then window shopping. I had lunch of bow-tie pasta and green tea, met lovely ladies from Shiseido, met my new lipstick, met a bubbly barista at Coffeebean. Today is a blend of everything; but I am enjoying it nonetheless.

And even though something have been lost, I am still looking forward for something wonderful, for the lovely experiences I will gain. Some people will teach you to walk away, and I have learned to take it as a realization that I am at my happiest, when I think of myself.

*** Anyhow, I have been enjoying Polyvore, the iPad app is beyond chic! I created this spring mood board, as I want to reinvent my wardrobe for the coming season. I am leaning towards blush and beige; and will try a natural approach when it comes to beauty. I am thinking of downgrading my beauty wants to the minimal but natural— a healthy flush, a lip color that looks like my lips but better, and dewy skin, but really full lashes. Maybe sometimes a shimmery taupe for the lids. Well kept eyebrows. I will probably save my cat eye liner just for some occassion, Less is more would be the mantra, girly and classy would be the vibe. I will, yet again, will list the things I will focus on as a reminder for myself that there is always something to look forward to: Starting March (why not start now? Well I like that crisp point of starting at Day 1 literally. I do not know where I got that, maybe because I was born on the first of June, and it makes sense to me. Lah.) —- Driving. —- Building a career. —- Going back to school. —- My personal training account at the gym. —- Juicing. —- Healthier toned body. —- Luminous skin: I am planning to venture back to Shiseido’s white lucent line. —- My Balenciaga funds. —- Long hair. I am at the moment growing my hair. And then will dye it caramel brown or chocolate brown. We’ll see. I would like to add that I will be more adventurous, but I will just replace that word to “living” more.