You came into that part of my life when and where I thought I needed someone the most; someone to take all the pain away; to save me from them and to save me from myself.

Looking back, you turned everything around for me without you knowing it. I saw you as my great escape, the light at the end of the day, the only enchanting difference to my then sleep-deprived nights. Being with you felt so wrong for so many reasons but that time— you were the only thing that felt so right to me.

Blindly, I went ahead and gave you my world without you asking for it. Maybe that’s why you never really saw my worth. Because you didn’t ask for it. Because you didn’t want it so bad as much as me wanting you so bad. Nonetheless you kept my world with you, and I allowed you take it full, mess it around, toss it whenever you want, pull me back whenever you feel like it.

Here I am blaming you, trying to keep the tears from falling, trying to hold my ground— even when I know I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I have myself to blame most parts too. Because I was stupid. I still am. When it comes to you. My sanity, my ability to be rational, my sense of self-worth; they all come secondary, even last— whenever you’re around. I’ve gotten so much of you in my system and I don’t know how to get you out. How to have a day when and where you won’t be in my mind anymore. When and where nothing reminds me of you anymore.

I want to go forward that day, when and where I’d stop hurting.

When and where I’ve forgiven myself…

… and have fallen out of love with you.

I just want to fall out of love with you.