Did I make the right decision?

If ever I succeed through the transition/phase that’s happening in my dear life at the moment, it shall go down the books. But right now, I’m filing this week and the next to my “confusion” folder, close my eyes and hope for the best.

I’m terribly sad. Is that redundant? I don’t even want to correct my grammar anymore, so my apologies if this will come out as a crappy entry. I just want to free-write, because I’m too stressed to think of other things and can not stop thinking of work.

I just resigned from my job this afternoon because I’ve accepted another one yesterday. Honestly, doing so was heartbreaking. I can’t even help but be teary-eyed when I submitted that letter.

I love my previous job, I’m getting the hang of it and I love my workmates — the catches are: (1) It’s too far from where we moved; (2) I’m not getting enough hours therefore, not getting enough pay. Number two is definitely a major reason for the decision to look for another job… but good heavens, my workmates and managers are amazing! I can’t even… OMG. My chest hurts thinking about it. It’s like breaking up with the person you love the most because you have to… work your ass away since you’re financially on the rags or something. Haha.

I just feel so bad. I really do. I feel like I’m a traitor or something. Why is leaving a job so hard? FUCKIN WHY? :( Am I the only one who feels this way whenever they’d resign? This is my second time to resign too; my very first job was amazing but I was a freakin dimwit who thought I can’t do it right— and now looking back, it was a huge opportunity I’ve lost. And I cried too because my manager then’s amazing.

FML.

With my new job, I started yesterday. My supervisor’s cool, but I’m pretty scared with my manager. Seriously. The pay’s and the hours are better (a big plus) BUT THE WORKLOAD’S SCARY AS HELL.

I just… DIED this afternoon with all the things I needed to do and remember. All the paperwork; augh. OMG. Am I opening alone tomorrow? Oh my dear self. What have I done?! I want to flop down my bed and sleep but I can’t stop thinking. Seriously, it’s like I have two me’s right now.

The physical me is saying, “Bitch, you need to go to sleep.”

BUT the inner me is rambling on like a mad scientist, “What have you done?! Even if you were financially SUPER unstable before… you were happy and everything’s peachy! So you’ll probably open tomorrow. Do you remember how? What’s that thing that you have to send to Jason? Or was it Harold? bhfsxzfsvvbkx…”

OMG.

I can’t regret.

I don’t want to regret this decision.

Nor do I want to quit this new job. I can’t. I can’t. I have to make this happen in the most amazing way I ever could make it happen. I have to prove it to myself— that I made the right decision.

Fuck.

No.

I won’t give up. I won’t. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can fuckin do this. And I’ll be awesome.

Hahaha.

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I need sleep.