Here I am, at Starbucks— waiting for my shift, trying to be calm. I feel like I’m about to have my college thesis defense every time I go to work. Which is not really good, because my stomach feels twisted and my hands would go cold.

I think that I’m beginning to be tremendously obsessed with being perfect when it comes to my job. It must have been because of my belief that perfection’s the only expectation of my boss. Which is quite heavy. Or maybe it’s only on my mind. Or maybe it’s me being a perfectionist.

Last night, my manager said that I should breathe. Seriously. Haha. So come on self, calm down and everything will be fine. I’m being too uptight and just frazzled. It’s not awful to push yourself to the limits— but well… have a good time! Work’s supposed to be fun or else you’ll tire out in no time.

I guess all I really want is to prove to them that I can keep the job, even if they already said that I’m doing well… maybe it’s me; trying to prove to myself that I can be amazing at something. I need to calm down, seriously. 

I have 50 minutes before my shift, and I’m closing alone tonight. I keep doing this, counting hours and minutes and seconds before the next work shift; which is seriously bad for the mental health.

I. Need. To. Calm. Down.

Maybe it’s my inner lack of confidence— I need to work on this. I know I need to work on my confidence. I can do this. Yes. Yes. Yes. 

Let’s make this day different… amazing and fun.

Signing off.