The sudden conscious realization that you are responsible for your own life feels so raw, so liberating, so awakening. It was a conversation with Papa that struck the thought, a few nights ago; I was telling him of my plans for the future. It was our plan that I go back to the university this upcoming fall, but after a lot of research and thinking, I told him that I think it would be better if I would apply next year instead.

I really wanted to take my chances for a grant, and ready myself physically and financially— master the art of working at my new job (which is beginning to be really enjoyable), learning how to drive, applying for a credit card, reinventing my wardrobe and my make-up kit… he listened intently and agreed; but said a few words that got me thinking:

“We’re always here to support you, in any way possible, in every way we can… but it’s still up to your own decisions. It’s your life, and whatever decision for every change you want to make, must be yours.”

In that very second, life felt so… vulnerable. So huge. The past suddenly felt like a very colorful (bright and dark) page, some days even far beyond the lines; and the future looks like a clean slate. It’s a common knowledge, but come to think of it, I’ve never really pondered upon how I would want my life to go in detail; I was just always the “come what may” kind of sheltered girl. With no intentions of trying to make it feel negative; life suddenly felt like a huge present that comes with a huge responsibility. Like an expensive car given to you as a gift; or winning a lottery— afterwards, it’s all up to you how to handle it, how to use it.

Some mornings after that conversation, I would wake up and just stare at the ceiling; physically and mentally tired from work, and totally loathing that I have to get up to endure another work day again— with nothing to be excited about; but I would look back to his words and it would regain my motivation; that a new day wouldn’t be the same as yesterday if you want it not to be.

It’ll definitely make a lovely difference if we wake up excited to start a new day; with a goal to make the day a colorful work of art. If we find excitement to go on despite the dreary phases, then I guess we won’t have a day where we don’t want life not to happen anymore.

***

I should be off from work tomorrow, but my manager asked if I’m available to cover… I agreed since there’s really nothing to do at home, and I wouldn’t mind the extra pay! Haha! :D Day by day, Papa God’s really giving me reasons to be thankful of the things that are happening, and the things that did not.

A whole new week’s ahead, here are some photos from today. The perfect cap to this awesome week: spending my day off at Hollywood!

Nameless star… until I came. Haha!

It was extra crowded at Kodak today! They were preparing for the Grammys next week.

Red velvet cupcake, delish!

Bought myself a crown ring! It’s the very first silver I bought for myself; I love it! I was quite hesitant because I was being stingy, but Papa said that it would be nice if I’d treat myself something sometimes. Whenever I would look at it, I feel really happy! :D It’s really nice to see a day’s hard work on your finger (or sometimes on your closet) haha.

It totally reminded me of my friend Heaven— every time too!

XOXO to a fabulous week ahead!